poems — When I still write poetry and not lines of code
Original title: “When I can still only write a poem and not a line of code”
I wrote the below poem about two years back, entering a new industry officially with trepidation and doubt and I titled this then “When I can still only write a poem and not a line of code.” Today, I still am not a software developer and don’t have intentions to be one, but a few lines of code is possible and so a revised title! Thank God.
Reading this again brought a quiet assurance — “wow, I somehow got through all these head things” —where I still don’t have all the answers, still have doubts, still feel like what I’ve written but hey, there is no doubt growth. Little by little. It’s also quite something seeing how adaptable humans can be — thoughts on this another day.
It’s like being plucked out from one world into another
Where it feels like some sort of a brain makeover
A different language literally altogether
And I am still processing, like a machine but slower
What do I know of the future, of how far I would go?
I don’t know and would very much want to go with the flow
Just one step at a time I ask
But somehow fastness seems to be a must
Oh discomfort, how real uncomfortable you can be!
It’s a lot of unlearning relearning as far as I can see
“Interesting” is the only word I catch myself replying in situations
‘Cos somehow I can’t find any other word to describe this season
I don’t regret this but I don’t like this feeling either
This figuring out, can I do this? doubt like no other
What I thought it was is really not
What I thought was easy is not
What I thought was common is not
“What I thought” now becomes an afterthought
(This is how fast things can be)
But as much as all these craziness can come like a brewing storm
And all that thousand-and-one expectations can make one feel worn
I want to throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily tangles
To be focused on things that this one life ultimately matters
To remember Grace is sufficient in every breath taken
And That Power is made perfect in all my weakest moments